It's Been Hard To Write

The visits with Paul the last couple of weeks have been very surprising. He has been very aware that it was me and very talkative. He has asked about the family, neighbors, people at Church in many cases by name. He has expressed how special the "Kids are". How proud he is of them. He has expressed how much my visits mean to him.
This has made the past week difficult. About two weeks ago. Paul express that he was sorry about "all of this" and that he had thought he "would have left by now". When I asked him where to he said "Ah Heaven". I was really thrown. I was not prepare for that at all. I just told him how much I loved him and helped him wipe his tears and mine. A couple of days later I was taken to the hospital and was there for five days. (Some high blood pressure problems. All major tests turned out well. BP and anxiety are now being controled with meds. And doing OK).
When I got back over to see Paul they told me he had been sad and teary eyed a lot. He has been talking a lot to the nurses and telling them he used to be in the Air Force and worked with computers. He has been asking about his "boys".
When I visited with him today I tried to let him know what a good husband he has been. And how glad I am that we have had the time we have. Also, reassuring him that I am fine and that the family is looking after me and doing all kinds of things to be of help. (He doesn't know I was in the hospital and I don't want him to know).
I remember seeing both of my parents hold on, even when it was obvious that it was time for them to go, they held on because of their worry about others. And not until they were reasured that all was going to be all right did they let go. I don't want that to be the case for Paul. He has been ill for so long.
Maybe I need to let go more and let him be in the Lord's Hands.
I don't know what has brought all the change. No medication has been changed. It is a time I had not been prepare for now.
But I am great full for the opportunity to communicate with Paul for what ever time there may be.
He has been removed from Hospice. That doesn't change much, only that he has be stable for two months so he, at this time, is not with Hospice. However they did let me know that can been changed at any time. He stays right where he is and costs are the same.